so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
