I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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