He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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