is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
