i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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