So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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