He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
