Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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