Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
