i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
