Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
