How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
