why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
