you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
