I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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