On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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