This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
