Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
