Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
