its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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