Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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