Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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