i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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