Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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