She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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