Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
