i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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