We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
