Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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