Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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