I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
