I murdered the dance floor call the cops
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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