You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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