Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
