oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
