yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
