I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize