the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The Olympian is in my bed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
