Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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