I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
