Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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