saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
