Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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