apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
