thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
