You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
