She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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