he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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