White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
