Got a toothbrush?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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