he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
