I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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