just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
