God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am one with the molecules
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
