Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
