It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
