if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
