Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
