we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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