in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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