I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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