think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
