I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So squirting runs in the family.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
