When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
