Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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